Newton Abbot’s MP Anne Marie Morris has bravely decided ‘the time is right’ for Theresa May to be violently done over.
She explained that even the greatest British leaders, ‘even Churchill and Thatcher’ reached a point in their careers where ‘it was time to go’, to the floor, bleeding from a length of steel in the back. “Despite the great service she has done to the country” following the Brexit vote in 2016, Morris explained, “it simply didn’t make sense” for the Newton Abbot MP to continue indefinitely on a policy of not helping her leader onto the end of a shank and then, after a great deal of heart-searching and consternation, having her vital arteries severed and her head aided, with all due consideration, onto a spike. “I have to vote with my conscience,” she explained, demurring on what job her conscience had been offered by David Davis.
Morris, who had the whip returned to her in return for her support for a vote on Brexit three months ago, decided the time was right to return the boss’s trust in her with three inches of metal between the 12th rib and the 1st lumbar vertebra. It was, she explained, what her constituents would expect and had voted for in the Referendum on EU membership.
The move came as a complete shock to all her loyal voters in Newton Abbot who had enjoyed her weekly ‘View From Westminster’ Column in the Mid Devon Advertiser and its frequent, indeed unflinching, support for the Prime Minister over the past months. “Doing a splendid job”, “really taking the strain”, “delivering on the promises made by Brexit” are three phrases that jump out from her recent works. However, we realise that May’s final Brexit deal, which had changed in no way from the one that Anne Marie Morris has previously pledged her full support for very recently, become much less attractive once Morris realised a nearby boat was slightly more floaty than the one she was standing on.
Her party has polarised in recent days into those stabbing the Prime Minister and jumping on her head and those not stabbing the Prime Minister and jumping on her head. Her position as someone not stabbing the Prime Minister and jumping on her head, she explained, "had become untenable" since the number stabbing the prime minister and jumping on her head had become just about large enough for it not to derail her career.
Will this action come back to haunt her? “Well, that’s the real ethnic minority in the fuel supply,” she said, proving that her time in office hasn’t, by any means, been a complete disaster for the reputation of the Teignbridge Conservatives.